Fuck war
Fuck cancer
Fuck rhythm is a dancer
Fuck fascists
Fuck nazis
And their political parties
Fuck first past the post when we’re flogging dead horses
Fuck climate disaster and shit government policies
Fuck bigots and racists who pick on the misfits
Fuck people who still say that jaffa cakes are

Biscuits
Now I’m not really hob nobs
I’m more garibaldi
I only know one Gary and he isn’t bald he
Is fulsome of mane
And fulsome of joy
But he’s been difficult since he was a boy
So he’s
Had some tough times
He’s out on the streets
You don’t really see him
He’s kind of invisible
Be he’s there all the same
You know, making us

Miserable
Because it’s so sad isn’t it
To see people like that
Down on their luck
But do I give a fuck?

[bloke voice]
No mate
I’m just trying to get my lunch from Greggs
They’re the dregs
Always asking for change
They’ve probably got mange
From those dogs on a string
I’m contactless
I don’t touch these people
I’d probably get stabbed in the face with a needle
And, and

Anyway
It’s their fucking fault
They should get off their arses
Get fucking jobs
There’s no free passes
And much as I respect their right to access to services in a functioning welfare state
If they were to come over here
While me and the wife are enjoying a Nandos
And ask me for some change
To get a bed for the night
I should have to say
Oi
No
Your desperate and rightful need to enquire about the possibly of getting a cup of tea is NOT welcome here
And I’d give em a
SLAP
[/bloke voice]

Happy fucking holidays

People sleeping on the street are almost 17 times
More likely to have been victims of violent crimes
More than one in three people sleeping rough
have been deliberately hit or kicked
Homeless people are over nine times more likely
To take their own life
Than the rest of us
And
On average
They’re forever cold
At 44 years old

Hey though it’s Christmas time!
Have some fucking joy!
I love Christmas, me
In fact you could say I’m most full of joy
At the time when we celebrate the birth of a boy
Who was selfless and caring
And quite good with wood
And did what he could
To save us all from eternal damnation
Which is probably like waiting at Peterborough station
But, like, forever
What an immaculate concept
No, wait a minute

Fuck religion
Fuck ebola
Fuck supermarket cola
Fuck news
Fuck fake news
Fuck bad shoes
Fuck cheap booze
Fuck pastel hues
Fuck blocked loos
Fuck slow queues
Fuck masterchef rouxs
Fuck Intus
Fuck dog poos
Fuck zoos
Fuck

You
If you get a pang of remorse
When of course
You would spare some change but you’ve only got cards
It’s not that hard
Get cash
But I know what you mean
I feel so helpless when they don’t have a card reader
Because honestly who actually carries cash these days?
It’s not that hard
Get cash
That a simple thing you can do
But, then, it’s not all about money it’s about

Respect
I met someone who
Whatever we’re doing
Will stop
And talk
And yes, offer money, but looks at their faces and says
What’s your name? How are you today?
I mean, they might tell her to fuck off, what do you think, I’m sleeping in a fucking Primark doorway
But hey
She looks at their faces and says
What’s your name? How are you today?

And that’s a beautiful thing
Because sometimes its just about feeling human as well
Not classified vagrant and chucked in a cell
Because the vagrancy act is alive and well
Since 1824 by the way
If you want to affect change, fight for the repeal of that state-sanctioned criminalisation of people homeless or begging, right?
Anyway

So beauty is a wonderful thing
It comes in all shapes and sizes
It’s not just an amazing body or incredible features
Its about random acts and incredible teachers
Who show you the beauty in things you can do
Not how you look in a Jimmy Choo shoe
It’s kindness and how you give it
It’s passion and how you live it
It’s the world and how you are with it

So do me a favour and take from this ranting
That at this time of year there’s a huge elephant in
The room
While we’re self-harming over who’s most charming so they can sit with mother who’s got quite alarming
At least can we think, if we don’t already
Of those who have nothing
Not even a home
They can call their own
And I don’t mean just think
Take positive action

Give joy to the world
At least for a time
There a number of ways you can help
It’s not onerous
It is generous
Anything you can do
To help people get through
Who are worse off than you
It’s what Jesus would do
Anyway, you don’t have to get nailed to a wooden cross at Easter
That was ironic

Happy fucking holidays